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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23023717">Ghost Quest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Magic_Rat/pseuds/The_Magic_Rat'>The_Magic_Rat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:28:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23023717</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Magic_Rat/pseuds/The_Magic_Rat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ghost hunters come to check out the AZ Fell and Co. book store, and get way more than they bargained for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>112</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ghost Quest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by a conversation on one of my GO groups, and another with my friend Pointy. Oh - and if you don't get the joke at the end, I'll be happy to explain it. :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>
    <b>Good Omens – Ghost Quest.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Author: The Magic Rat<br/>
Rating: R<br/>
Pairings: Crowley/Aziraphale<br/>
Warnings: Sex, "ectoplasm", a lot of naughty words.<br/>
Word Count: 5196</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Website – Ex Libris: http://www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/index.html<br/>
Live Journal: http://delaese.livejournal.com/profile</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Disclaimer: All Good Omens characters, places and situations are the property of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Summary: Ghost hunters come to check out the AZ Fell and Co. book store, and get way more than they bargained for.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Author’s notes: Inspired by a conversation on one of my GO groups, and another with my friend Pointy. Oh - and if you don't get the joke at the end, I'll be happy to explain it. :)</b>
  </i>
</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>"Tonight on Ghost Quest! We are investigating the AZ Fell and Co. book shop, here in Soho. A place for antique and unusual books for roughly 200 years, it has long been associated with strange smells, feelings of acute discomfort, disturbing sounds, and sightings of demonic serpents. Most unusual, however, are rare sightings of a glowing creature with wings, made up entirely of eyes, like a Biblical angel..."</p><p>The host, a woman by the name of Anita Talbot, turned to look at the fussy little owner; a chubby, adorable man of indeterminate age, with white hair and a worn-out waistcoat. </p><p>"Mr. Fell, do you believe your shop to be haunted?"</p><p>"Oh, no, not at all. My family have owned this shop for 200 hundred years, we would have noticed by now, I'm sure."</p><p>"Your family?" Anita looked over his shoulder to a century-old photo of a "former" owner, who looked shockingly close to the current Mr. A Z Fell. "What do you say to the rumors that you are in fact yourself an immortal, possibly undead, creature?"</p><p>Aziraphale's jaw dropped and his blue eyes became enormous. "UNDEAD?? I never heard such nonsense!"</p><p>"So you are not a vampire." Anita did not think he was for a moment, but he was so adorably indignant she just had to smile.</p><p>"Absolutely not! Utterly ridiculous!"</p><p>"And you have no qualms about us investigating your shop."</p><p>"None whatsoever. Oh, my husband is around here somewhere, just so you know. And I feel I must repeat there is to be NO sprinkling of holy water. Some of these books are absolutely one of a kind and irreplaceable. I do not want them getting wet."</p><p>"Your husband," said Anita, disappointment in her voice.</p><p>"Yes. Just look for the most beautiful man you can imagine, that's him. Oh hello, my dear, I was just telling everybody how pretty you are."</p><p>Anita felt something strange as the lean, lanky man sauntered into view, hips and shoulders swaying, eyes obscured by sunglasses, despite the lateness of the hour. He paused beside his little book-seller and fixed the collection of camera crew and paranormal investigators with a cold look. He was beautiful. He also gave off an unmistakable air of something unnatural.</p><p>"Miss Talbot, this is my husband, Anthony Crowley."</p><p>Crowley stared at Miss Talbot the way a snake stares at a mouse. "Charmed," he said, smiling with far too many teeth.</p><p>"Yes..." she said. "So how did you and Mr. Fell meet?"</p><p>"Oh the usual way, he was standing there wondering how to lie to God about what he did with his flaming sword, and I was trying to convince him that breaking out the wall at Eden wasn't that bad..."</p><p>She watched Mr. Fell roll his eyes and walk away. Crowley turned and prowled after him.</p><p>"Or was it in the park on a summer's eve?" Crowley asked.</p><p>"One of the two," said Mr Fell dryly. "Now if you will come this way, Miss Talbot, we can show you the first room to investigate."</p><p>Anita followed after him, hearing her cameraman whisper into her ear; "Did I hear the sound of a heart breaking when you found out he's gay?"</p><p>"Well he is awful cute. Speaking of gay - what do you think of the husband?"</p><p>Adam Bruce stared after Crowley, scrutinizing him. After a few moments, he spoke.</p><p>"He makes my list of 'people I wouldn't fuck with'. I think he would happily eat your brains with little provocation."</p><p>"Oh good, so it's not just me. When's Brenda due to arrive?"</p><p>"Within the hour. I'll start getting the cameras in place."</p><p>"Thanks. I think this show is gonna be a good one."</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>"You are so naughty," Aziraphale admonished Crowley when they were out of sight of the cameras. </p><p>"I'm a demon, I can't help myself sometimes. Besides, she was interested in you, I'm not putting up with that."</p><p>Aziraphale stopped short and turned, blinking at Crowley. "Interested in me? Whatever for?"</p><p>Crowley slipped his arms around him and pulled him close. "For all the reasons I am, I suspect."</p><p>They kissed. Aziraphale giggled as Crowley began nibbling his neck. "Darling, please! We have...SQUEAK! Crowley! Behave!"</p><p>Anita Talbot peered around the corner. "I heard squeaking."</p><p>"I can't imagine...SQUEAK! Crowley!"</p><p>Aziraphale managed to pry him off, much to Crowley's disappointment. Aziraphale straightened his clothing and turned away.</p><p>"You're a naughty boy," he said archly.</p><p>"And you love me."</p><p>"Don't be silly, I don't even like you."</p><p>Crowley grabbed two handfuls of chubby butt. "You do."</p><p>"Crowley!" Aziraphale turned to him, meaning to chastise him, but instead gave him a kiss. "I adore you."</p><p>Anita went off to greet the team member who had just arrived, leaving the pair to cuddle. Crowley managed to nudge Aziraphale into an alcove.</p><p>"Do you think this shop is haunted?" asked Aziraphale, thinking that Crowley was going through a great deal of effort to tempt him into a quickie. Now to decide if he wanted to let him.</p><p>"I think the only thing haunting this shop is us," said Crowley, nipping him. "And that one grouchy old specter we see on occasion in the reading room."</p><p>Well that certainly sounded plausible. "Not the Jeffrey Archer books?"</p><p>"Them too." Crowley was suddenly wrapped around him like...well... a snake.</p><p>"Crowley..."</p><p>"Take me hard."</p><p>"But...?"</p><p>"Please?" he asked sweetly.</p><p>Dammit, how did this happen? How exactly did Crowley always manage to get him aroused to the point where common sense was scarcely a memory? This was ludicrous, there was nothing stopping anyone from turning the corner and seeing... Well they better be fast and quiet. </p><p>"You'll need to release me."</p><p>Crowley did, turning his back to his angel and pressing against him. Aziraphale opened his trousers as Crowley dropped his.</p><p>"Crowley you really are a bad influence."</p><p>"Oh good, I was worried I'd lost my touch."</p><p>"And you're sure you want...?"</p><p>"Fucking HARD."</p><p>Aziraphale grabbed him and slammed into him. It wasn't the way he personally liked to be penetrated, but Crowley loved it. And as long as his husband was happy, who was he to complain? Crowley grabbed one of Aziraphale's hands and wrapped it tightly around his own stiff dick, thrusting into it. Their coupling was hard, awkward, and dirty, with surprisingly little sound from either of them. Both were in the throes of a powerful orgasm when Aziraphale heard Anita call his name. He managed to finish, pull out, and do up his pants before answering. Crowley was giggling.</p><p>"You really do get me into the most awkward positions," Aziraphale chastised in a harsh whisper. He pulled out a handkerchief to clean off his right hand. "Are you all right?"</p><p>"Fantastic. You go talk to the crew, I'll get myself cleaned up."</p><p>Aziraphale kissed him, then went to speak to Anita. Crowley got his pants back up, and his trousers. He needed a shower; for a creature who was supposed to gender-less and asexual, Aziraphale really did leave an awful lot of semen. Yeah, time to get in the shower before a full load of angelic sperm ruined his shorts and ran down his legs. Crowley headed upstairs for Aziraphale's living quarters, quietly singing "Every Sperm is Sacred."</p><p>Neither had thought about the small puddle of demon seed on the floor.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Anita thought Mr. Fell looked a bit disheveled as he appeared, but the man <i>had</i> just been snuggling and smooching with his husband. He was bound to look a little unkempt and out of breath.</p><p>She had no idea exactly how far the "snuggling and smooching" progressed. </p><p>"Mr. Fell, this is our paranormal expert and psychic, Ms. Brenda Sawyer."</p><p>Anita could tell the little book seller didn't like her the second he saw her. Good. Proved he was smart. Brenda stared sourly at Anita's would-be crush.</p><p>"How nice to meet you," said Brenda. </p><p>"Yes, charmed I'm sure." He turned to Anita. "So how will the night progress?"</p><p>"Well after you and Mr. Crowley leave for the evening, we will explore the shop and record any paranormal activity we come across," said Anita. "You say you're not aware of any?"</p><p>"No," said Mr. Fell, "although...well... I mean poor Mrs. Sanders had an awful scare one evening. She comes by regularly, she's an archivist at a university, Oxford, I think. She comes by to read some of the more obscure books and compare notes. I used to see her two or three times a week but several weeks ago she let out the most terrible scream and fled the shop. She never came back and won't answer my calls."</p><p>Anita promptly sent two of the crew in search of the esteemed Mrs. Sanders to see what had terrified her so. </p><p>"You don't know what scared her?" asked Anita, as Brenda began wandering around. </p><p>"Haven't a clue. She was in the reading room. I'll show you."</p><p>Anita eagerly followed him to the reading room, Brenda trailing along. Mr. Fell stopped abruptly as he saw a tall and very handsome man there, wearing a grey suit with a violet tie. The man straightened up and smiled as he saw the bookseller.</p><p>"Hello, Aziraphale."</p><p>Mr. Fell did not look amused. "Why are you here, Gabriel?"</p><p>Anita watched as Gabriel glanced from Mr. Fell to the women standing with him. Anita noticed that his eyes were the most amazing clear violet.</p><p>"We discussed the loan of a book," said Gabriel carefully.</p><p>"Oh, you mean the one I said I wouldn't lend to you under any...?"</p><p>"Mother asked you to please lend it, and She will ensure it is returned."</p><p>Mr. Fell considered that. "In that case, wait here, I will get it."</p><p>Mr. Fell left to get the book. Anita stared at Gabriel, feeling her heart do strange things in her chest. Oh my, he was so pretty. He was even prettier when he smiled at her and extended his hand.</p><p>"Hello, I'm Gabriel."</p><p>Anita was sure she was going to melt. "Hi, I'm Anita."</p><p>"And what brings you to our little Azzy's shop?"</p><p>"I host a show that investigates paranormal phenomena and... a number of people claim to have had unusual experiences here."</p><p>"Really?" He leaned back against a desk and crossed his arms, listening. He seemed genuinely interested. "Such as?"</p><p>Anita described the occurrences to this gorgeous man. He seemed to have a healthy understanding of demons and demonology, so when he asked if he could tag along, she agreed. At the very least he was an amazing piece of eye candy, at most he could add an educated spin on some of the stuff they would experience. By the time Mr. Fell returned with the book, they were fitting Mr. Violet-Eyes with a mic.</p><p>For some reason, Mr. Fell did not seem amused. He handed the book to Gabriel, then looked to Anita.</p><p>"My husband and I will be at the Ritz if you need us. I'd be careful of this man - he's obsessed with pornography."</p><p>Mr. Fell left, trailed by his husband. Anita raised an eyebrow and scrutinized Gabriel.</p><p>"And are you obsessed with pornography?"</p><p>"No, but it's fun teasing Azzy with it. So! Let's go ghost hunting."</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>As they stepped out of the shop and into the cool, damp air of early evening, Aziraphale felt a gentle hand tug on his sleeve, and turned to look at Crowley. The demon was grinning widely.</p><p>"Let's be bad."</p><p>Aziraphale paused, raising an eyebrow. "And what do you propose, my dearest?"</p><p>"The humans are honestly looking for ghosts."</p><p>"Yes, that's true."</p><p>"So what's Gabe looking for?"</p><p>"An opportunity to be a cretin would be my guess."</p><p>"Let's you and I haunt the shop."</p><p>Hmmmm.... tough call. Dinner, or a chance to make Gabriel look like an idiot. What to do, what to do...</p><p>"What do you suggest?" asked Aziraphale.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>It was 10PM, the shop was closed and silent, the cameras and various ghost monitoring devices were set up, and Brenda Sawyer was being a bitch. It was go time.</p><p>"Why are these books all so old?" demanded Brenda. "Who reads old books? Look, some of these are cursed, gimme the holy water."</p><p>"No," said Anita.</p><p>"Which ones?" asked Gabriel at the same time. Brenda rolled her eyes and sighed like an irate fourteen year old, which was rather sad considering she was forty-three.</p><p>"Fiiinnne..."</p><p>Gabriel leaned close to Anita as Brenda sulked her way into the first room to investigate. "Why is she here?"</p><p>"Because despite being a miserable human being, she really is a very powerful psychic."</p><p>Gabriel and Anita watched Brenda wander around. Then she paused, looking thoughtful.</p><p>"I smell...evil..."</p><p>Gabriel raised an eyebrow. Gee who could that possibly be. Brenda was clearly feeling something.</p><p>"Evil, and...innocence corrupted, but...? Not...really against its will...? Not really corrupted, just...?" She looked around. "Where is this coming from?"</p><p>Anita and Gabriel tagged along as Brenda made her way unerringly to a certain alcove. </p><p>"Can't you feel it? Profound holy innocence and something utterly blasphemous, merging... LOOK! Anita get over here, now! Bring the camera! There's ectoplasm on the floor!"</p><p>"Ectoplasm?" said Gabriel and Anita in roughly the same tone. They walked into the alcove and stared at the weirdly glistening substance on the floor. Gabriel reached down and trailed a finger through it, then studied it. "Are you sure that's ectoplasm?"</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>The camera cut to show Mr. Fell and Mr. Crowley, each sitting on a stool, Mr. Fell with his hands over his eyes, Crowley grinning at the camera.</p><p>"Oh good Heavens..." groaned Mr. Fell. </p><p>"It wasn't ectoplasm," said Crowley.</p><p>"I am going to diiieee..."</p><p>Crowley's grin widened. "Absolutely not ectoplasm."</p><p>"I can't believe Gabriel put his fingers in it..."</p><p>Crowley looked to his husband. "Shall I tell them what it was, angel?"</p><p>"Please don't."</p><p>Crowley looked back to the camera, his grin enormous. "Not ectoplasm."</p><p>"What was it?" asked a voice off-camera.</p><p>"Well you see when two adult informed consenting males who own a book shop fall in love..."</p><p>"CROWLEY!"</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>One of the crew took a sample of the "ectoplasm", put it in a test tube, and scurried off to examine it. Brenda continued following the trail of "evil", clearly very confused by what she was sensing. Evil apparently went for a shower and a change of clothes.</p><p>"I believe Anthony Crowley is a Satanist," said Brenda,  holding up one of his shirts. "A very devout and powerful one."</p><p>"He's not that devout," said Gabriel. Brenda looked to him. </p><p>"You know Crowley?"</p><p>"For years."</p><p>"And you let him marry your brother?"</p><p>"He is not my brother. Besides, if Mother couldn't stop him, then I certainly couldn't. By the time we found out, it was too late. They'd been sneaking around behind our backs for years. I'm really not sure what's worse - the homosexuality, or the pre-marital sex. Shocking."</p><p>"What about the fact the man is clearly a Satanist?" asked Brenda.</p><p>"Yeah we weren't surprised by that at all."</p><p>"He's evil!"</p><p>"Of course he is."</p><p>Brenda and Anita blinked at Gabriel, who blinked back, violet eyes innocent. He glanced from one woman to the next, and suddenly seemed to have an epiphany.</p><p>"OH! Oh of course you two don't know about... right. I'm going to go examine the restoration room."</p><p>Gabriel left. Anita and Brenda were rarely on the same page, but they clearly were this time.</p><p>"What don't we know about?" asked Brenda.</p><p>"That's a good question," said Anita.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>As Brenda and Anita trailed after their mysterious new team mate, Mrs. Sanders held her cup of tea with a tiny hand that trembled faintly. </p><p>"Take your time," said Adam gently.</p><p>"Well it was just so terrifying!" the elderly woman said, her blue eyes huge. "I never saw anything like it! A gigantic serpent, playing with something that looked like a man, but the man was shadowy and fragile, as if made of cobwebs. I know Mr. Fell has a pet serpent, I see it from time to time, and I was trying not to over-react, so I said to the snake "What have you there?" And..." The blue eyes filled with tears. "The man screamed at me! It was the most horrible sound! It hurt my ears and made my heart miss beats and... I honestly thought I was going to die! Then the serpent bit it and slid away with it so fast... I know snakes can move very fast but not like that! I don't know what I saw. But I am not going back!"</p><p>Adam blinked. Well that was certainly a terrifying encounter, and a decidedly odd one. "Do you think that the snake you saw was Mr. Fell's?"</p><p>"It looked like Mr. Fell's. But Mr. Fell's serpent never bites! It curls up on a pillow next to the fire sometimes, near my feet. I was a bit frightened of it at first, but it has never been anything other than gentle. I bring it eggs, sometimes, it quite enjoys eggs. That's why I don't think it was Mr. Fell's serpent. The one I saw was far too aggressive and fast!"</p><p>Adam wondered if the serpent had been aggravated by the ghost both it and Mrs. Sanders clearly saw. But what would make it grab the specter and flee with it? Was it protecting the old woman? Would a reptile be capable of a thought process like that? Some reptiles did stay with their young, didn't they? Maybe the snake was being protective.</p><p>Doubtful, but he didn't know what else to think. He thanked Mrs. Sanders for her time and tea, and returned to the book shop.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Aziraphale fought back a giggle as Crowley, in serpent form, rolled and squiggled in icing sugar loaded with candy glitter and luster dust. Now a brilliant sparkling white, he silently made his way to the main floor to make a glowing debut on the night-vision cameras. Aziraphale turned into a whirling ball of wings and eyes, and proceeded to slowly bobble along the hall, humming to himself.</p><p>Meanwhile, in the restoration room, Gabriel sourly watched a truly gigantic fly trundle along in the air like an inebriate aircraft. Brenda was in the attic, and Anita was across the street at another shop, monitoring the book shop through the night vision cameras that had been set up throughout the building. Gabriel began following the fly.</p><p>"And what, pray tell, are you doing here?" he inquired.</p><p>"Bzzzzzzzzz off...." said the fly.</p><p>"That does not answer my question." He reached out and caught the enormous thing and turned it to face himself, staring into the buggy eyes. "Why are you here?"</p><p>Beelzebub manifested fully, staring at Gabriel. "Crowley and his idiot angel are having fun, I had to see what they were up to. Why are you here?"</p><p>"Aziraphale and his idiot demon are having fun." Gabriel paused. "And dammit sometimes I like fun too."</p><p>A faint smile touched the lips of the Lord of Flies. "Let's rock this."</p><p>The pair began making their way to the basement, just as a disapproving third figure appeared in the room. Michael sighed in aggravation and began stalking after Gabriel, intent on reminding him that Heaven was currently in need of a certain eclectic and one of a kind tome that had been loaned to them by Aziraphale.</p><p>"Gabriel," the archangel began, and made a louder noise of aggravation as Gabe and Beeze made a run for it, giggling. "Archangel Fucking Gabriel you get back here right now!"</p><p>"No. Beelzebub and I are on a very important bureaucratic mission."</p><p>"And it better involve doughnuts at some point," said Beelzebub.</p><p>"Gabriel!"</p><p>Meanwhile, in a darkened room across the street, monitoring the situation, Anita Talbot and her crew stared, jaws hanging, as the cameras picked up what the human eye could not - wings. Big, fluffy, opalescent wings, with hundreds of blinking eyes, and halos. On the smallest of the trio, the one they had just watched turn from a gigantic fly to a petite human, there were wings also, but these were the clear wings of a fly, painted with the faces of the dead.  </p><p>"What the hell are we looking at?" she asked nervously.</p><p>"I have no idea," said Tammy, whose job was to monitor cameras for the slightest indication of a ghost. "My guess would be the wings and halo indicate why your buddy Gabe knows so much about demons. Oh look, a sparkle-snake."</p><p>Crowley was doing his best to be terrifying and ghostly on the main floor, unaware he was being sadly outclassed in the basement, while Aziraphale slowly whirled his way all over. Suddenly annoyed, Anita got up from her seat and marched out of the closed chip shop where the crew had set up and across the street to the AZ Fell and Co book store. </p><p>She was not amused.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>"WHAT THE HELL?!" bellowed Anita, thundering down the stairs to confront the trio. Gabriel, Michael, and Beelzebub stared back at the mortal woman.</p><p>"Is there a problem?" inquired Gabriel.</p><p>"YEAH!" said Anita. "Humans can't see shit like wings and halos with the naked eye, but apparently NIGHT VISION CAMERAS PICK THEM UP JUST FINE!"</p><p>"Whoops," said Gabriel, as Beelzebub snickered.</p><p>"Who are you?" demanded Anita. "You three just cost me a full night's work, pay for an entire crew as well as a night's rent for a chip shop for a base, the least you can do is answer me."</p><p>"He's the Archangel Fucking Gabriel," said the diminutive one. "That one is the Archangel Fucking Michael. I'm the Exarch of the Demons Fucking Beelzebub." The being shrugged. "Sometimes we hang out."</p><p>"We do not," said Gabriel. </p><p>All fell silent and watched a slowly bobbling ball of wings and eyeballs trundle by. Michael began walking after it, followed by Beelzebub, who was likely interested in what sort of a tongue-lashing the Principality Fucking Aziraphale was going to get for starting all of this. Anita didn't even try to hide her tears of frustration. </p><p>"We can't use ANY of this footage! Who would believe it? We'd just look like fraudsters! I can't find a bloody ghost but I found two angels and a demon just fine! Not just any angels, either!" She stood on her toes, hands clamped into fists at her side as she roared into Gabriel's face. "ARCHANGELS! Now I have to cover it up to save my reputation!"</p><p>"Well you must be able to use some of it," said Gabriel, finding a rare spot of compassion inside for this woman's plight.</p><p>Anita shook her head, weeping. "Just the bit about the ectoplasm and some other stuff, but not enough. And what was the ball of feathers and eyes?! That was one of the few things we actually came looking for, and it just.... wobbled the fuck past us!"</p><p>"Oh," said Gabriel, who shook his head. "We don't talk about him very often, he's not very smart."</p><p>"Terrific, two angels, a demon, and a special needs spectral entity. And a sparkle-snake. I can't wait to find out who he is."</p><p>"A sparkle-snake?" queried Gabriel. </p><p>"Yeah, a serpent, maybe twelve feet long, brilliant white and glittering. Isn't he with your crew?"</p><p>"Not that I know of. He might just be lost."</p><p>Gabriel grinned, trying to placate the woman. Anita was not amused.</p><p>"I can't air a show featuring demons and angels. Maybe if one of you had shown up briefly, fine, but no one is gonna believe this mess."</p><p>"Well," said Gabriel. "At least you...know angels are real."</p><p>Anita stared at him. "When I was eight I had an entity throw me across the room and into a wall. I immediately came to the conclusion that if that thing was real, probably the whole menagerie of supernatural critters was. So if it makes you feel any better, I already believed in angels. What I did not know about angels and demons is apparently they show up from time to time in book shops." </p><p>She sighed and sniffled, wiping at one eye. Gabriel, behaving rather out of character considering he did not much care for humans, gently hugged her.</p><p>"You must be able to save some of the footage. What entities did you come to see?"</p><p>Anita was going to hug this angel for as long as he would permit. Really - when was this going to happen again? And hugging him made her all warm and happy. He was a show-wrecking ass, but he was great for hugs.</p><p>"We came to see the ball of feathers, a spectral serpent, and apparently there is a something else around here, and it terrified an old woman."</p><p>"Well it's still early evening. Let's get you set back up, and maybe we'll catch something you can use."</p><p>She sniffled and nodded, then reluctantly released him. From upstairs they heard Beelzebub call down to them.</p><p>"My fly wants doughnuts."</p><p>"Where's Michael?" asked Gabriel.</p><p>"Took the book and left." Pause. "Why is there icing sugar all over the floor?"</p><p>Without waiting for an answer, Beelzebub left. Gabriel and Anita went to the chip shop, and filming resumed. </p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>The night was not wasted. On three occasions they managed to spot the glittering white snake, and got some good footage, albeit briefly, of the whirling ball of feathers and eyes. There were a few glimpses of the entity Mrs. Sanders saw, floating eerily in the reading room. But the most spectacular moment of all was a quick glimpse of something striding purposefully through the basement; eyes black and dead, face rotting, with white hair and something toad-like on its head. The entire crew stood up in excitement as they watched the quick passing, uttering sounds of both fear and delight. Anita looked to Gabriel.</p><p>"Do you know him?"</p><p>"Hastur," said Gabriel. "Duke of Hell, and not anyone you wish to play with. Is that footage useable?"</p><p>"Yes, it's brilliant."</p><p>"Why couldn't you use us?"</p><p>"Because no one was gonna believe an angel and a demon running around giggling and plotting to get doughnuts. People just don't see you guys that way." Anita pondered briefly. "Why would Hastur show up at the shop?"</p><p>"Probably looking for Beeze. And never call Beeze that. It's just a level of informal a mortal shouldn't push." </p><p>"I just never thought of an angel and demon hanging out before."</p><p>"We don't really...hang...per se. But we both deal with a lot of bureaucratic nonsense and sometimes... it's good to talk to someone who understands what a pain in the ass the job is."</p><p>"Awww.... that's kinda cute."</p><p>Gabriel stared at her. "Don't make me smite you."</p><p>She sucked back a smile, watching as, on the night-vision camera, Brenda slowly explored the book shop. Pain in the ass though she may be, she was a very good psychic, and not easy to scare. She was on the trail of the white snake, but it was always just slightly too far ahead of her. Then, in the restoration room, she stopped dead and listened.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>Faintly, distantly, there came a reply. "Hello?"</p><p>"Are you the entity haunting this shop?"</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Can you please tell me your name? We came a very long way to meet you."</p><p>Suddenly, cutting through the mics like a razor blade of broken glass, came a wailing scream. The equipment failed, Brenda fled, and the night was done. Anita was in a far better mood than she had been. </p><p>"We got some really good stuff." She turned to look at Gabriel, smiling. "And I got to meet you. I'm honoured. Really. I don't know how else to express that." She blushed slightly. "We... the crew and I, I mean...we usually go for breakfast after a shoot. Would...you like to join us? Silly question I know but we would just...really like to spend some time with you, you have no idea how amazing you are to us. You are the absolute pinnacle of what we try to find and comprehend doing this research."</p><p>He smiled at her, unable to help being a little bit flattered. Then the crew member who had taken the "ectoplasm" to be analyzed returned to the chip shop with the results.</p><p>Gabriel's scream of disgust and horror could be heard straight across the street to the book shop.</p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>Crowley sauntered out of the bathroom, still damp, smelling of Aziraphale's soap, a towel draped round his hips as an after thought. He dropped it onto the floor and slid into bed with his angel. </p><p>"That was fun," said Crowley, snuggling into Aziraphale's arms.</p><p>"It was. Did we find out who the ghost was?"</p><p>"No, but I chased him off. He won't be back. Don't care for those screams at all, or the way he scared Mrs. Sanders."</p><p>"Oh that is nice, you being concerned for her."</p><p>"The bastard cost me nine free range organic chicken eggs a week!"</p><p>"Well we can let her know the shop is cleared now." Aziraphale chuckled. "You are so sweet."</p><p>"I've been rolling in sugar for five hours, I ought to be."</p><p>"That's not what I meant." Aziraphale kissed him. "I am blessed to have you."</p><p>"I'm a horrible evil savage demon, I'm vicious and nasty and..."</p><p>Aziraphale silenced him by nibbling on his throat. If Crowley had a tail he'd wag it. </p><p>"I love you," whispered Aziraphale.</p><p>"I love you too."</p><p>The sun was just coming up as the pair settled into a slow, lingering embrace. Meanwhile, outside the chip shop, Anita's crew was putting the last of the equipment into the vans, as Anita and Gabriel strolled to a nearby cafe, unsung by any who was not local, that served the best breakfasts anywhere. </p><p>~*~*~*~*~*~</p><p>EPILOGUE. </p><p>"Who is a good serpent? Yes who is a very good boy? Who scared away the mean old ghost? Oh, you do love eggs, don't you dear boy?"</p><p>Aziraphale smiled as Crowley once more got to enjoy his eggs, settled on his pillow before the fire while Mrs. Sanders hand-fed him. As the angel arranged the books in the reading room, Gabriel walked into the chamber, holding a copy of a book called Gryphons by an author named Alyx Jae Shaw.</p><p>"I don't get it," he said. "There is no pornography in here."</p>
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